Analytic post
All information in the file.
200+ words
Assignment
You are in a workplace setting. The business is investor relations, marketing, and publicity
basically. What you mostly do is work on investor relations/solicitation for start-ups and, for
eventual product releases, you sometimes work on the broad release strategies. You write a lot
of ad copy-style and persuasive analysis abbreviation content. You’re a professional hypester.
But you’re not selling to high school students with their parents’ charge cards. You’re convincing
big fish to put down the venture capital that ‘builds the company’ that actually produces all that
crap that people buy for no good reason. This is NOT a branding campaign or influencer social
media assignment. We’re talking many millions, even a billion or two in financing for really big
projects. Today, you are receiving the email below from your team leader (me) with a
short-deadline project. Feel free to imagine anything at all as the type of business and
product/service/reason for the season, and do your best version of being the sort of soulless
cash-hunter who is always trying to hype up for this craven, world-destroying fantasy of
capitalism. Inhabit this world to the fullest. Believe in the business casual techy dream, the
Manhattan expensed-lunch fantasy, the global industry titan innovator wheeler dealer culture.
You don’t need specifics. Your main job is to sell anything, at big numbers, to an
investment-savvy cold heart who just needs to see the sleek business speak that convinces
them this is a modern-interest product that will generate good return on investment. This is NOT
the ad pitch to convince individual consumers to buy whatever the end product is. Read this
brief piece on venture capital for a starting point on how you’re going to write (it’s going to drop
cookies and track your analytics, which is how this world works of course): Securing Venture
Capital Funding For Your Business
(Links to an external site.)
Your post will be your hypothetical response email to my ‘team leader’ email, below (follow my
greeting/sign-off style, but the middle blurb paragraph should be 200+ words).
Your peer response, naturally, will be another email-formatted item. You’ll be trying to ‘massage’,
as we say in the biz, their 150 words into 100 words of copy (inside a standard greeting/sign-off
frame that also starts with some positive ‘what if we tried this?’ vibe and a cheery closing
sentence before your sign-off: soft skills professional setting communication skills, basically).
Hey team,
Prestige Worldwide is thinking of going with us on the Narfle package you got last week. They
asked us to draft start up funding pitch copy for review. We need to get this back to them soon
to secure the partnership, so drop non-priority stuff this week on this please. We may handle
marketing and publicity specs at the output and release stage. Not sure yet. Now we’re just
securing capital. Give me about 150 words we could hypothetically send to the Cesar Faison,
Silicone Ravine, Marsania, and Peppermint Patty investor groups for PW that hit the Five
https://articles.bplans.com/securing-venture-capital-funding-for-your-business/
https://articles.bplans.com/securing-venture-capital-funding-for-your-business/
https://articles.bplans.com/securing-venture-capital-funding-for-your-business/
Suitability Essentials especially here, and I’m working with PW on a brief Business Plan and
Summary scope. But also give me like 50 words or so on any part of the Management Team,
Competitive Edge, and Management Analysis details you would highlight from the Narfle deck
so I can take a look at it.
Thanks y’all. Keep crushing it!
Garthok
